A Suffering

All those wounds of the past act as stepping stones to a virtual reality whose realm is ever so enthralling. The world no longer beckons as the boy transforms into the man he had waited to become. Ironical is only an understatement if the whole situation is truly realized. Yet he moves forward, not because he has to or because he should, but simply because going backward is not an option.

The aftermath is not only horrifying but fatal without involving the violence associated with death. It is not the physical body that is harmed; murder of the soul has always been the strongest weapon. And yet he complies; knowing fully well there is no rational reason to continue and that the code of his life strictly prohibits such a violation. Selfishness as the only real principle in life is still what holds him together and keeps him alive; the truth is that love cannot be selfless.

That the suffering and internal bleeding of the soul is inexplicable makes him feel guiltier. Incomprehensible thoughts govern actions sometimes. That is probably the reason he dreams of those unattained quests his heart longingly desired at a time.

Platonic love has always appealed more to him than the carnal wishes of the body. However his philosophy remains that the heart, mind and the carnal body are not directed by different reasons; that using one’s mind to choose a person to love and loving a person through whom you want to achieve the most carnal of human desires is one of the only reasonable and morally correct decisions one can undertake. His suffering is more to do with the fact that he might not find another person worth his love, rather than being shunned without even being provided a chance to explain. Justifying is not what interests him; but the realization of the fact that he might never again feel a love so complete for someone else attacks ruthlessly at his heart, inflicting fatal wounds and making it more painful than actual death. It is like his existence borders exactly on the thin line separating the dead and the undead.

And the suffering might never end…